I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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