I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
