I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He shit in the fireplace
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
