What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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