i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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