I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
