life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
