I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
