The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
