i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
