i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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