im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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