mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His nipple licking is glorious
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