Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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