i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
