I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
