the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize