I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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