loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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