which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
