You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
