OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize