I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
