Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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