im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
