Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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