i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
