I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
