I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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