# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
