i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
