I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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