You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
