my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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