Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
