she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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