An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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