Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
