we have pet lesbian snakes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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