i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
