y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
