you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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