This girl is more easily done than said...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
