eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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