She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
