He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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