You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
