just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You've changed since you got that strap on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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