the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
May the power of my ass compel you!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
