I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
