Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
