ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
