She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
