Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Couch. On fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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