somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
