Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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