I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
