i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
