My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my liver is dry heaving
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
