Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
