WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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