you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
