He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
