If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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